oh, baby BAby!

I love when people are somewhat deceptive about their lives. And the more you get to know them, the more layers you discover.

I first met Paige Brown through a friend, and for a while, thought she was only a nanny.

When I later realized she was a nanny as a way of helping to support herself while getting her own business going as a children's photographer, I wanted to know more. So I interviewed her!

Kennebunk woman focuses her photography on children's portraits - 6/24/10

Oh, babies.

By the way, I totally scored a used Pack-N-Play for only $10 off Craigslist. Bring yo'babies ovah!

Money! That's what I want!

It's been a pretty... expensive week over here at Bridget M. Burns headquarters. A week involving a lot of rust, some major septic issues, dead rodents, and sick animals. The full range of these issues would make a great episode of "Dirty Jobs"... and an ever better episode of a new show I just came up with JUST NOW, that I like to call "Broken Barn".

Mom, Dad... I'll fill you in when you get here. But get the tissues ready, will you? Because I'm feeling pretty damn sorry for myself.

Luckily the writing work keeps coming!

Bonding Horse and Human - 6/10/10

Catch up!

I've been working a lot. Like... a LOT. For my regular job, my writing job, and a certain temporary government job that I have been formally warned I am not allowed to blog about, under penalty of PRISON.

In any case, it hasn't left me that much time to update this blog. So in case you're the type who only reads my articles online, go grab yourself a tasty treat and a refreshing beverage. You're in for the long haul.

Music Seen: Against Me! at Port City Music Hall - 5/5/10

Seniors giving time to help students - 5/20/10

Music Seen: Mousam River Ramblers at Atlantic Hall - 6/2/10

Revisiting Abbott Graves - 6/3/10

And if you like this... it's cause my little sister wrote it!

Last Wednesday, my friends Bob and Mariah invited me to join them at a Spose show. Another chance to hear wildly inappropriate jokes in Ogunquit? I was on board.

Of course Spose is not a comedian, but rather, a hip hop artist, whose catchy lyrics, well known in Wells, are now hitting radio stations all over the country. He's also Mariah's best friend's ex-boyfriend. So there ya go.

I recently heard a mother call into the radio and ask the station DJ if he knew whether or not Spose's upcoming in-store performance would be appropriate for all ages. The DJ seemed certain that the rapper could keep things tame, but after seeing him live, I have a vision of that mother, hands clamped firmly over her son or daughter's ears, storming out of the store.

If you were offended by my last article, by all means, don't read this one. The Phoenix is anything but family-friendly. Same goes for Spose.

Music Seen: Spose at Post Road Tavern, 4/21/10

PARENTAL ADVISORY

Last weekend, a date and I headed down Route 1 to see Khris Francis's adult comedy show at Oxygen, one of Ogunquit's many gay bars. I had signed on to review the show for the Coast Star, figuring it would be a nice change of pace. With the night labeled as "adult" we knew it would be raunchy, but I don't think either of us was fully prepared for the shock value to come.

At least, I know I wasn't prepared for the moment that my gracious date was called to the front of the room to assert his masculinity by taking a blow job shot.

*crickets*

For those of you who are NOT 21 year old girls, let me explain how a blow job shot works.

Step 1: Place your hands behind your back.

Step 2: Eat a maraschino cherry out of the shot glass in front of you.

Step 3: Suck out the whipped cream below the cherry.

Step 4: Taking the entire shot glass in your mouth, throw back the remaining liquor - generally something chocolaty - and bow to the applauding Ogunquit crowd.

I later found out that at this point the co-owners were in the back of the club freaking out because they weren't sure which of us was the journalist, but they knew that one of us was being publicly embarrassed.

Hey, it's all part of the job, right?

The real challenge came in writing the review of the show, as the Coast Star, while boasting quite a few hip writers, is not exactly edgy. I sat down, considered my liberal definition of "family friendly", toned it down two notches further, and wrote what I considered to be a tame, but entertaining version of the story.

Khris Francis Show now on at Oxygen in Ogunquit - 4/22/10

I still got a bit of a reaction.

"Bridget!" my family friend Ted exclaimed. "You said lesbian!"

Well, yeah, Ted. I did.

But... it could have been worse.

Trust me. It could have been much worse.

He out popped the Buzzard and Oriole!

For the past three mornings, I have been greeted at one of my barn's windows, by a robin, tapping on the glass. Every morning the sound jerks me out of my 7-AM-haze as I look around desperate to find what animal has infiltrated now. And then I notice the robin. Tap, tap, tapping, until, as soon as it sees me, it flies away.

If the bird were a cardinal, I would believe it to be a sign from my Grandmother, who has shown up before, and who will likely be making an appearance in a couple weeks when we all gather together in Wisconsin for a Burns family reunion.

But a robin??

I know I live with squirrels, chipmunks, and mice... but that doesn't mean I want any resident birds.

I'm not Cinderella.

Although... the timber framing in that bedroom does look familiar...

Grab somebody, work ya body, work ya body!

In addition to "writer" and "sandwich artist", I am an Irish Step Dancer. It is something that has been a huge part of my life since I was four years old. It is something that is about to become an even bigger part of my life, as I train in preparation for my Irish Dance teaching certification exam, officially set for this coming September, in Boston.

Yesterday, to aid the effort of me OWNING that exam, my dad and I, with the help of our friend Paul, built the first piece of my new (in! house!) dance studio. A 8' x 16' raised dance floor, with just enough 'give' to cushion my old-lady knees.

Come on over, Sugar.

I'll show you how to shake what your momma gave you. Irish style.