Uncle Bud on German Chocolate Cake

"What makes it German?"

"This cake comes with a warning. Do not store next to crepes!"

Uncle Bud on teaching Elementary School

As a kick off to February vacation, Uncle Bud's class got treated to some screen time.

"OK, what do you think of these movies for school today? Hook, Newsies, Full Metal Jacket."

Uncle Bud on Working Two Jobs

"Work Monday day, work Monday night, sleep three hours. Work Tuesday day, work Tuesday night, sleep three hours. Work Wednesday day. Die."

Uncle Bud on December 23, 2012

"When all these skinny kids die off, guess who's livin'!?"

Uncle Bud on Snow Plows

"The sound of diesel. No better way to start your day."

Uncle Bud on Beer

"You really want me to buy you Bud Heavy? Why don't I get you some real beer?"

"What do you mean, real beer? Bud Heavy is the realest beer there is!"

Uncle Bud on Car Shopping

"I really like the shape of the Prius."

"SERIOUSLY?"

"Yeah, I mean, it doesn't really look like a sedan."

"You're right. It doesn't look like a sedan. It looks like a turd."

Uncle Bud on... Physique?

Me: Hey, I got a new job!

Bartender: Yeah, I know, I already heard.

Me: What? How? Who did you hear from?

Bartender: Let's just say a little robin told me.

Later on...

Uncle Bud: Uh, that was me. And I am neither little, nor bird-like.

Uncle Bud on Restaurant Work

"When we were growing up, we would get like one super market brand shrimp cocktail platter for everyone. The little one! With the little shrimps! And then we'd all take turns taking one shrimp. And then, when everyone had one, we would each take one more shrimp. And then that would be it. This time there were no restrictions. So I got a little shrimped out."

Uncle Bud on the DMV

"He goes, I just need proof that you're a US Citizen, and I was like, I am. I was just pissed that I had to wait in line for 35 minutes and then this guy thinks I'm not American. Like, Dude. There are very few people more American than me."

Uncle Bud on Reality TV

With Uncle Bud's new xBox, came streaming Netflix. And with streaming Netflix, came my revived obsession with bad television. I have spent a good amount of time recently Keeping Catching Up with the Kardashians, and much to Uncle Bud's dismay, he has caught more than one episode in the process.

The girls do not amuse him.

"You guys are arguing over who gets a Bentley when Bridget and I have to argue over who has to buy toilet paper!"

Pretty sure they can't hear you through the TV there, Bud.

And pretty sure none of them have ever had to worry about buying toilet paper.

Uncle Bud on Keeping Busy

"What are you going to do tonight?"

"You're looking at it. Me and this chick flick."

"No, seriously, what are you doing?"

"Oh, seriously? Seriously I was going to bust out some abs so I can look more like Ryan Reynolds. Have you seen that guy?"

Uncle Bud on Hair Care

"If you plug in my hot rollers, I'll go to the bar with you."

"You look like THAT and you think hot rollers is all you need?"

"..."

"Alright. Where are they?"

Uncle Bud on Winter

This winter is Uncle Bud's first winter in Maine. And after spending five winters in Buffalo (population 270,000), and every previous winter in West Hartford, Connecticut (population 61,000), he knows he's in for a bit of a change living in Kennebunkport (population 3,700).

"I'm going to buy a wii tonight."

"You're buying what tonight!?"

"I'm going to buy a WII tonight. I'll need something to do here."

Uncle Bud on Lawn Care

My lawn is... well, as my mother says, lush.

Uncle Bud has a solution.

"I've been driving by this guy in Limerick that sells riding lawn mowers out of his front yard. As soon as I start making mad cash, I'm buying you one. Vintage. And I'll paint it matte black, and install a cooler. Obviously."

It would beat that $30 push mower...

Life with Uncle Bud

You know how part of being in your twenties is having unfortunate roommates?

Well, I don't have that problem.

I mean, sure I've had my share of terrible tenants. The guy who drove his car up onto my front lawn and left it running all night was a real winner. But right now, and for the past four months, I have been lucky enough to live with my little brother.

Because said brother works in the public school system, and because not everyone prefers to have their real identity repeatedly written about in a public setting, I will not be calling him by his real name in this blog. But I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you all to "Uncle Bud". In addition to regularly grilling me up some mean hot dogs, he's a pretty funny guy. And since my daily life is now peppered with his thoughts on things, it seems only fair to share his wisdom and advice with you all.

Like this little bit, on cooking.

"Preheat to 350? That means 400. Set it and forget it."

Learn it. Know it. Live it.