Ace Reporter I am NOT.

While I admittedly was the first to hear of Taylor Swift's arrival in town, it has recently come to my attention that I am by no means worthy of any "Scoop" like nicknames.

According to an article posted by none other than my own newspaper, George Bush Sr.'s boat, Fidelity IV, ran aground at Gooch's Beach around 3 PM yesterday.

Ace Reporter that I am, I arrived at the scene by 4 PM.

Ace Reporter that I am NOT, I arrived, blanket in hand, for a late afternoon nap after working the 5 AM shift.

I slept like a baby, fetal position and all, on that beach, until my pre-set alarm rang at 5:30 PM. Then, I stared at the water for a while deciding whether or not I needed a swim to wake me up. Thinking the waves looked a little rough for my liking, I packed up my things and left.

I NEVER NOTICED THE BOAT.

It could be time for me to find a new line of work.